How to talk with quiet confidence
Updated: Aug 8, 2019
When faced with criticism, judgment, or blame, how do you maintain your composure and speak with quiet confidence? In this post, you'll learn how...
* Have you ever been in a situation where you feel criticized at the same time that you're being asked to perform?
* Have you ever had a moment where you're called upon to explain yourself, back up a point, or tell your side of the story... and you know you're in front of people who have no intentions of believing or supporting you?
* How, in those situations, do you find a way to still talk with quiet confidence?
Confidence is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. - Unknown
There is a way for you to speak with quiet confidence... even when you are in difficult situations. Here's a 3 step process you can use to talk with quiet confidence under any circumstances:
Especially when you're under serious pressure or in a situation where you are not being supported, the first and best thing you can do to talk with quiet confidence is take deep breaths. Literally breathe in through your noise to a count of 5 and breathe out through your mouth until all of the air is out of your diaphragm. Ten deep breaths will get you centered. If you're in the midst of a discussion, taking as many of those breaths as you can in between responses will also help you get centered whenever you feel rattled. Your breath will help you stay calm and centered and that goes a long way to talking with quiet confidence.
2. Speak your truth and own its validity.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when speaking in tense situations is discounting their experience by focusing on what other people think and feel. You have no way of knowing what other people feel. You are perceiving their words and actions and, while your perception won't necessarily be reality, your perspective on how you feel, on what you know, and on what you need in this situation are not up for debate. Speak from the perspective of "This is my experience. This is how I feel. This is what I need. Can we meet in the middle?" None of that is up for interrogation or debate. However, the moment you go into the space of "What you did was..." or "You made me feel like...", you are asking for trouble. Stand your ground on your experience of the experience and clearly state what you need in this situation. Your needs and experiences are not up for debate and knowing this will allow you to talk with quiet confidence.
3. Show, don't tell.
People who pretend to have confidence but aren't actually confident do a lot of telling without showing. They talk about what they do, how they are, and who they are but they spend way more time taking about things than actually demonstrating who they are with behavior. If you want to talk with quiet confidence, a big piece of that quiet confidence comes from knowing that you walk your talk.
When you walk your talk, you don't have to baffle people with bullshit. You don't have to say "I'm a confident person. I'm smart. I'm a go-getter." You never have to say any of those things because your life and actions speak for themselves. Talking with quiet confidence means you say only those things that need to be said and you let your actions do the rest.
In cases where you want to 'convince' people to see you in a certain way, stop talking and focus on demonstrating who you are... and accept that even when you do this, some people will be so convinced in seeing you in a negative light that even the truth of your actions will not change their minds. That's okay. You don't have to convince anyone of anything. You do have to live the life you are meant to live which requires being who you KNOW yourself to be. Show, don't tell...