"You've got a new story to write. And it looks nothing like your past." - Danielle LaPorte
Throughout our entire lives, we will start over MANY times. Change is constant... even if, as human beings, we hate to experience it. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go... and when life gives us an opportunity to start over, in many cases, we rail against the idea of having to begin again. Why? Because we don't know what's going to happen next. It's fear and fear can be an engine or a brake...
How to Overcome the Fear of Starting Over
You must learn to trust that there is a future waiting for you that is beyond what you might be able to grasp at this present moment. - Unknown
In my book Begin Again: 32 Ways to Release the Fear of Starting Over, I talk about specific strategies you can use to overcome fear and begin again... and it all starts with understanding that fear is a normal, natural part of the human experience. The goal, then, is not to eradicate your fear but to transform it.
When it comes to the fear of starting over, there are 3 things you can do turn your fear into fuel. Here they are:
1 Invite your fear over for dinner
To transform a fear, you need to fully understand it. Invite your fear over dinner means sit with your fear. Ask it questions. Get to the root of your fear. When you think about starting over, what is the fear REALLY about? Are you afraid to fail? Are you afraid to succeed? Are you afraid that in succeeding, you'll lose time with your family? Are you afraid you'll be rejected? Are you afraid that you can achieve the success you want but you won't be able to keep it? Spend serious quiet time getting real with why you're really afraid. Until you know the source of your fear, there is no transforming it. #fear #faith #reflection #emotionalintelligence #leadyourlife
2 Get real with the fact that your life MUST change... whether by force or by choice...
Sometimes, we need to be brave enough to outgrow the life we've built. - Unknown
So often, we think we can avert having to start over by ignoring the fact that we need to. Think again... You might delay the starting over process. You might rationalize away your need to proactively manage beginning again but, rest assured, if something in your life is meant to change, it will shift... with or without your approval. Running from problems does not solve them. Pretending that everything's okay when it's not will not change the fact that what's going wrong is going to continue to go downhill and very well may require that you go in a completely different direction that you want to right now. It's time to get real with the fact that your life MUST change and you can either embrace the change by choice... or experience the dramatic shifting of the change by force. One way or another, at different points in your life, you're going to have to start over. As a quote so clearly puts it "Let go or be dragged."
3 Take the action afraid
Starting over is scary. It feels scary to move in a direction you've never been in... which is why you can't wait until the fear goes away. There comes a point when you have to decide and act. Yes, you'll feel fear. Yes, you won't be 100% sure that things will work out. Yes, even in taking action and going well, the fear will still be there. The main reason to take action afraid is simple: the more you do it, the more powerfully you're able to transform your fear into fuel. In time, you practice this enough and you learn that, while fear might be in the car, it never has to be in the driver's seat.
At the end of the day, at some point of your life, you're going to have to start over... and, every time, there will be fear. But you are bigger than your fear and you have the capacity to take action afraid. Never miss an opportunity to become who you are meant to be. Feel the fear and do it anyway...